Last Sunday at First Service, our topic of forgiveness started a lot of conversations. Some of the people there asked if I could put some of the thoughts which we shared up onto the website. So here they are!

We began by reading two short pieces from the Bible: Matthew 18:19 – 22 and Isaiah 43:22 – 25, connecting God’s forgiveness to us and our forgiveness to each other.

We shared the story of Corrie ten Boom and her struggle to forgive a Nazi officer involved in the death of her sister. We acknowledged how difficult and how important forgiveness is.

Then we talked around some thoughts about what forgiveness isn’t and what forgiveness is.

Here were some of our thoughts:
Forgiveness is NOT:
Forgetting – we can forgive someone without wiping the hurt or injury from our memory
Pretending that what happened was not hurtful, wounding. We diminish ourselves and the impact of the event if we say ‘Oh, I suppose it wasn’t that bad’ or ‘I shouldn’t get upset over it’.
Release from consequences of the action – forgiving someone doesn’t mean that they don’t have to answer for their actions through the justice system or the discipline of the workplace etc
Reconciliation – we can forgive someone without seeking or even wanting complete reconciliation. Reconciliation MAY happen, but it is not necessarily an automatic response to forgiveness.
Instant return to trust – even if we find the courage to forgive someone, particularly someone who has abused us in some way, we cannot expect, and they cannot expect, that we automatically trust them again.
Dependent on remorse – this is the biggie! We don’t get to say ‘Say you’re sorry and then I will forgive you.’ Rather, if we forgive someone, they may be freed to express remorse to us.
A leverage of power. We don’t get to say ‘I forgave you for that terrible thing you did, so now you have to do all my housework for a thousand years.’

Well, there are some thoughts about what forgiveness ISN’T. For some thoughts about what forgiveness IS, see part II.